He either stood too far away, behind them, too far away and behind them, or pointed the camera mainly at the floor. This is a classic case of a boy attempting a man's job.
This isn't really "taking a photo of a booth babe" - it's stalking a woman going about her everyday business in the street. Look, that's her suitcase, not an NVIDIA promotional carrier bag.
They're far away, and the thing they were doing has finished.
What if she turned around? It's one thing going up to a woman and asking if you can take her photo - that's quite normal at a trade show. But taking one from behind and quite far away just makes you look extremely odd.
This one sort of delivers, but we'd need to see the front of it before coming to any firm conclusion.
Classic shy man photo. Don't want to lift the camera up too much, or someone might think you're actually taking a photograph.
Far away, from behind. 2/10.
Not only is this far away and from behind, the angle of the shot suggests he's even up on a different level looking over the edge! This isn't much better quality than you'd get from just zooming in on the show's location on Google Maps.
Really far away. And with a man in the way for added safety.
They're not even on duty! The biggest trade show faux pas you can make is attempting to interact with the booth staff while they're on a break. They're allowed a break because of laws, and would rather spend it smoking and slagging people like us off, not talking to us and trying to stop us taking photos up their dresses.
Finally - a great shot. That man has stopped in his tracks just to stare at the front of a woman. He may even have his cock in his left hand, such is his unashamed ogling.
This isn't really "taking a photo of a booth babe" - it's stalking a woman going about her everyday business in the street. Look, that's her suitcase, not an NVIDIA promotional carrier bag.
They're far away, and the thing they were doing has finished.
What if she turned around? It's one thing going up to a woman and asking if you can take her photo - that's quite normal at a trade show. But taking one from behind and quite far away just makes you look extremely odd.
This one sort of delivers, but we'd need to see the front of it before coming to any firm conclusion.
Classic shy man photo. Don't want to lift the camera up too much, or someone might think you're actually taking a photograph.
Far away, from behind. 2/10.
Not only is this far away and from behind, the angle of the shot suggests he's even up on a different level looking over the edge! This isn't much better quality than you'd get from just zooming in on the show's location on Google Maps.
Really far away. And with a man in the way for added safety.
They're not even on duty! The biggest trade show faux pas you can make is attempting to interact with the booth staff while they're on a break. They're allowed a break because of laws, and would rather spend it smoking and slagging people like us off, not talking to us and trying to stop us taking photos up their dresses.
Finally - a great shot. That man has stopped in his tracks just to stare at the front of a woman. He may even have his cock in his left hand, such is his unashamed ogling.
But then we're not in much of a position to throw accusations of illegality around, what with the vast back-catalogue of libel we're technically considered to be the owners/publishers of.
FROM FOREIGNLAND: "Hello UK:R! Here are some pictures of a local shop here in Brunei Darussalam that has Sonic on their store sign! Hope you like them! Justin."
They've used the Sonic 3 artwork. This means any task you ask Sonicom Enterprises to do will take ages, cost too much, and they'll have to come back in a year to finish it properly.
Sonicom Enterprises is basically one man with a screwdriver, a PC and a printer. A bit like SEGA Europe was in 2001.
FROM FOREIGNLAND: "Hello UK:R! Here are some pictures of a local shop here in Brunei Darussalam that has Sonic on their store sign! Hope you like them! Justin."
They've used the Sonic 3 artwork. This means any task you ask Sonicom Enterprises to do will take ages, cost too much, and they'll have to come back in a year to finish it properly.
Sonicom Enterprises is basically one man with a screwdriver, a PC and a printer. A bit like SEGA Europe was in 2001.
Like a polar bear that just lies there wanking onto its tummy all day in a zoo. As well as the REALLY BAD IDEA of bringing back N-Gage, Nokia's also decided to innovate in the online gaming world. By doing Xbox Live. By literally stealing Xbox Live off Microsoft and doing it on a phone.
The use of the term 'N-Gage Points' shows they couldn't be bothered in the slightest. We feel like congratulating them on being so blatantly tired of it all. They know it's still not going to work, so what's the point?
The use of the term 'N-Gage Points' shows they couldn't be bothered in the slightest. We feel like congratulating them on being so blatantly tired of it all. They know it's still not going to work, so what's the point?
So hard to tell these days what with all the 'marketing'. It's Sony's PS3 stand at Disappointment Fest 2007, aka the Leipzig Games Convention, where a few miserable Englishmen got sent to the German equivalent of Croydon to play some rubbish games. The PS3 area's theme was, appropriately enough, "toilet".
KEYWORDS: Japanese, toilet, photo, woman, girl, feet, German, piss.
KEYWORDS: Japanese, toilet, photo, woman, girl, feet, German, piss.
How could he do this? HOW COULD HE? Sonic even manages a smile as he stabs us all in the back. The little SHIT. He's laughing at us, laughing at our happy memories, laughing at the fat pay cheque written out in the blood of his loyal followers and thinking of all the orange rabbit prostitutes he can now afford.
At least Mario has a spazzy lobster claw for a hand. Sonic is still best in one way.
MAN IN GERMANY SAYS: "While visiting Leipzig recently, I saw Mario and Sonic TOGETHER. They were CROSS PROMOTING that awful Mario and Sonic Olympics game. It made me sad to watch the screen and see them racing against each other. Even worse was that they'd made the game totally unrealistic by allowing Sonic to actually lose. At one point Sonic was being beaten in the 100m sprint by FAT FUCK Mario and a stupid giant lizard thing! Sorry about the poor light quality on the picture, I was too upset to operate the flash. Mike."
At least Mario has a spazzy lobster claw for a hand. Sonic is still best in one way.
MAN IN GERMANY SAYS: "While visiting Leipzig recently, I saw Mario and Sonic TOGETHER. They were CROSS PROMOTING that awful Mario and Sonic Olympics game. It made me sad to watch the screen and see them racing against each other. Even worse was that they'd made the game totally unrealistic by allowing Sonic to actually lose. At one point Sonic was being beaten in the 100m sprint by FAT FUCK Mario and a stupid giant lizard thing! Sorry about the poor light quality on the picture, I was too upset to operate the flash. Mike."
All you need to know is that this was submitted by a man who attended a traction engine rally. You might need to look at it for a while before working out what's SEGA about it at all (HINT: It's not that it's a fat man sitting on his own with no friends trying to lure children into his clutches).
TRACTION ENGINE MAN SAID: "I was at the Pickering traction engine rally and old time steam fair earlier this month when I spotted this fat man and thought of you guys. He was selling balloons and one of them was of SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! That's about it really, the guy looked a bit like Dr Robotnik in that he was fat and wearing sunglasses. Now't like him really, but a crappy Photoshop just might make this worthy of a UKR update."
"What is Robotnik up to now? He seems to be kidnapping children's cartoon characters and turning them into helium balloons, no doubt using his helium-balloon-o-matic! Exciting stuff, I'm sure you'll agree. Anthony."
TRACTION ENGINE MAN SAID: "I was at the Pickering traction engine rally and old time steam fair earlier this month when I spotted this fat man and thought of you guys. He was selling balloons and one of them was of SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! That's about it really, the guy looked a bit like Dr Robotnik in that he was fat and wearing sunglasses. Now't like him really, but a crappy Photoshop just might make this worthy of a UKR update."
"What is Robotnik up to now? He seems to be kidnapping children's cartoon characters and turning them into helium balloons, no doubt using his helium-balloon-o-matic! Exciting stuff, I'm sure you'll agree. Anthony."
It has some sort of use after all.
EYEWITNESS REPORT: "When visiting upon my local gaming store, one named Chips situated on Nicolson Street of Scotland's fine capital, I chanced upon this sight. I apologise for the photos not being of particular quality, but I was in a rush. However I am sure you will agree that what these show is a true delight: PS3 games, used as a doorstop. Exactly as nature intended. Yours in Christ, S. Robert Blythe"
This had better not be a fake, orchestrated by the staff of Chips, Nicolson Street, in Edinburgh or Glasgow or Manchester or whatever the capital of Scotland is, to get free publicity.
EYEWITNESS REPORT: "When visiting upon my local gaming store, one named Chips situated on Nicolson Street of Scotland's fine capital, I chanced upon this sight. I apologise for the photos not being of particular quality, but I was in a rush. However I am sure you will agree that what these show is a true delight: PS3 games, used as a doorstop. Exactly as nature intended. Yours in Christ, S. Robert Blythe"
This had better not be a fake, orchestrated by the staff of Chips, Nicolson Street, in Edinburgh or Glasgow or Manchester or whatever the capital of Scotland is, to get free publicity.
Just in case you need to find it in a hurry later today, here's a link to the quote where Sony Europe's top man Phil Harrison said rumble was a "last generation" feature.
Here's our favourite photo of Phil, along with the no-rumble quote in full:
"We have no plans to do so in the standard controller that ships with PlayStation 3. I believe that the Sixaxis controller offers game designers and developers far more opportunity for future innovation than rumble ever did. Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it's not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is. And we don't see the need to do that." - Phil Harrison, Sony, February 2007.
Here's a photo of Phil holding the current controller, like it's the best thing ever. Here's his official biog. This should be all you need for later tonight, when and if Sony pulls a massive and shameful turnaround and announces a rumbling PS3 controller at Leipzig.
Here's one you can use to be getting on with.
Here's our favourite photo of Phil, along with the no-rumble quote in full:
"We have no plans to do so in the standard controller that ships with PlayStation 3. I believe that the Sixaxis controller offers game designers and developers far more opportunity for future innovation than rumble ever did. Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it's not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is. And we don't see the need to do that." - Phil Harrison, Sony, February 2007.
Here's a photo of Phil holding the current controller, like it's the best thing ever. Here's his official biog. This should be all you need for later tonight, when and if Sony pulls a massive and shameful turnaround and announces a rumbling PS3 controller at Leipzig.
Here's one you can use to be getting on with.
Something good has come out the Sonic/Mario game. Hopefully she has an alternate kit made up of those really tight pants women athletes wear, the ones that make the Olympics a once-every-four-years masturbatory marathon.
Foul is what she wants doing to her. Photoshop jobs in the comments bit, please, preferably with no less than three penises.
Foul is what she wants doing to her. Photoshop jobs in the comments bit, please, preferably with no less than three penises.
Our global network of camera-equipped Sonic spies strikes again, with another sensationally pointless set of photographs of something utterly uninteresting! One day, all this power will be put to good use. In the mean time, here's a picture of Sonic on the box of something rubbish:
PHONE WITNESS REPORT: "I was walking down one of the main shopping centres here in Spain when this promotion caught my eye. Yes, it’s 2007, and yes, someone is using Sonic (the cool one, may I state) to sell mobile phones."
This is very disappointing. We thought Sonic would have a really cool mobile, like a Blackberry Curve or some sort of Windows Mobile 5 hybrid organiser that also does GPS. This is not a cool phone with attitude. Fortunately for Sonic, it's not possible for him to go any further down in our estimation thanks to the recent Xbox 360/PS3 game that reduced our estimation of him to ZERO.
PHONE WITNESS REPORT: "I was walking down one of the main shopping centres here in Spain when this promotion caught my eye. Yes, it’s 2007, and yes, someone is using Sonic (the cool one, may I state) to sell mobile phones."
This is very disappointing. We thought Sonic would have a really cool mobile, like a Blackberry Curve or some sort of Windows Mobile 5 hybrid organiser that also does GPS. This is not a cool phone with attitude. Fortunately for Sonic, it's not possible for him to go any further down in our estimation thanks to the recent Xbox 360/PS3 game that reduced our estimation of him to ZERO.
Day three. We didn't specify how many other days would be between the relevant days. You need the patience of Terry Waite to get through this. Estimated time of next Sonic desktop upload: May 2009. Unlike most of our 'content' these days, though, at least this is worth it.
SONIC DESKTOP #3: I'M COMING TO GET YA!
Click on it for the full-size original. You'll have to do your own resizing and cropping and whatever, as even opening up Photoshop is a bit of a chore for us these days.
PREVIOUSLY, ON GREATEST SONIC DESKTOPS:
SONIC DESKTOP #3: I'M COMING TO GET YA!
Click on it for the full-size original. You'll have to do your own resizing and cropping and whatever, as even opening up Photoshop is a bit of a chore for us these days.
PREVIOUSLY, ON GREATEST SONIC DESKTOPS:
"SAFE LANDING FROM ROBO CHAOS ZONE!" "UNDERWATER CRISIS!"
The idea is to use motion controllers to control a range of sport and puzzle games. This sort of innovative idea could really take off. Here are some photos of buffoons illustrating devices.
This man is bowling. He goes bowling to meet hot chicks, who can't control themselves when they see his monkey-like grin and over-engineered trainers.
This is a woman doing some tennis. She seems to be having fun, despite holding an awful-looking bit of plastic. They could've got some sexy whites for her to wear... *remembers Emily Booth in that episode of Bits*
Golfing. This is why women shouldn't be allowed in male sporting institutions - those shoes would cause substantial damage to the greens.
Pooling twat.
This is the device that controls puzzle games. More importantly, you can see her bra.
And this is what every man looks like when trying to make a small plastic steering wheel look exciting. It simply cannot be done. Nice balancing work, mind.
This man is bowling. He goes bowling to meet hot chicks, who can't control themselves when they see his monkey-like grin and over-engineered trainers.
This is a woman doing some tennis. She seems to be having fun, despite holding an awful-looking bit of plastic. They could've got some sexy whites for her to wear... *remembers Emily Booth in that episode of Bits*
Golfing. This is why women shouldn't be allowed in male sporting institutions - those shoes would cause substantial damage to the greens.
Pooling twat.
This is the device that controls puzzle games. More importantly, you can see her bra.
And this is what every man looks like when trying to make a small plastic steering wheel look exciting. It simply cannot be done. Nice balancing work, mind.
From back in the days when we used to root for the over-priced, clunky, ugly black games machine with no games, instead of trying to destroy it with words.
They're all American, too, so if you've ever wondered how Bug Too! was advertised to Americans, now you know.
This may well have been a bit of a rubbish update, but it served one very important purpose - it made us remember to upload another AMAZING SONIC DESKTOP IMAGE. Which we'll do soon. Probably on Monday, unless someone emails in something better.
They're all American, too, so if you've ever wondered how Bug Too! was advertised to Americans, now you know.
This may well have been a bit of a rubbish update, but it served one very important purpose - it made us remember to upload another AMAZING SONIC DESKTOP IMAGE. Which we'll do soon. Probably on Monday, unless someone emails in something better.
Labels: HISTORY
Just imagine that. The pain. The anger. The suffering. The accidentally pressing Cancel and quitting the whole application. It'll either be so dumbed down you just press 6 to do a dragon punch, or it'll be left as it is and literally, actually, impossible to do anything more advanced than press start.
8,9,6, Dial!
It'll be like Street Fighter II on Xbox Live Arcade. Amazing in concept, then you get it and realise it's too hard and you haven't really got the time or inclination for this kind of thing any more.
You'd have more luck completing Mavis Beacon on a mobile.
8,9,6, Dial!
It'll be like Street Fighter II on Xbox Live Arcade. Amazing in concept, then you get it and realise it's too hard and you haven't really got the time or inclination for this kind of thing any more.
You'd have more luck completing Mavis Beacon on a mobile.
It's just a blue car with a Sonic sticker on it, then a yellow car with a Tails sticker on it. They really should've done a bit more with the license than this. Disappointing. 2/10.
THINLY-VEILED ADVERTISEMENT: "I got this Sonic the Hedgehog racing set years ago at a thrift market. It's not really anything special as it's just a regular race track, but with Sonic and Tails' face pasted onto the cars (and the box). Either way, it DOES have Sonic's name on it, and I assume anything that cashed in on his character from when his games actually were fun might be worth showing, so there you go. BTW I'm selling it if anyone wants it..."
THINLY-VEILED ADVERTISEMENT: "I got this Sonic the Hedgehog racing set years ago at a thrift market. It's not really anything special as it's just a regular race track, but with Sonic and Tails' face pasted onto the cars (and the box). Either way, it DOES have Sonic's name on it, and I assume anything that cashed in on his character from when his games actually were fun might be worth showing, so there you go. BTW I'm selling it if anyone wants it..."
This is SEGA Rally. The new one. The one that's out in a month and a bit. Featuring the bluest of blue skies possible. So blue, in fact, you have to download an extra pack of colours from Xbox Live just to get all these beautiful shades.
That's a high level cirrostratus, mainly composed of ice crystals.
A cirrocumulus at around 20,000 feet. These are usually found at sunset.
A very thin layer of altostratus. A mid-level cloud that forms between 7,000 and 20,000 feet.
Can't see. Looks like a Photoshop 35mm Prime lens flare though
Cirrostratus again. No chance of rain today!
Looks like there's a stratocumulus formation of mid-height rain-bearing clouds over the mountains.
Bloody cirrocumulus again. We'd like to see dark and moody altocumulus for the sake of variety.
Moving. A single lens flare effect is worth 1000 hours of CG footage.
That's a high level cirrostratus, mainly composed of ice crystals.
A cirrocumulus at around 20,000 feet. These are usually found at sunset.
A very thin layer of altostratus. A mid-level cloud that forms between 7,000 and 20,000 feet.
Can't see. Looks like a Photoshop 35mm Prime lens flare though
Cirrostratus again. No chance of rain today!
Looks like there's a stratocumulus formation of mid-height rain-bearing clouds over the mountains.
Bloody cirrocumulus again. We'd like to see dark and moody altocumulus for the sake of variety.
Moving. A single lens flare effect is worth 1000 hours of CG footage.
OH GOD, WHAT IS THE POINT?
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. ADVANCE NOTIFICATION OF "CHANGE" LITERALLY 30 PHOTOS FROM A MAN'S "SEGA HONEYMOON" A NASCAR TATTOO THAT TWO MEN THINK LOOKS LIKE DAYT... "EA ANNOUNCES COLLABORATION BETWEEN HOT NEW POP TA... "RICHARD JACQUES STUDIOS CONTINUES TO GO FROM STRE... CODEMASTERS HAS A GO AT 'URBAN' FOR 'FUEL' TRANS-EUROPEAN LARA CROFT STALKING UPDATE NINTENDO WINNING CRITICAL LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY BA... WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO IDIOT TOYS?
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
FAVOURITES
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
COMMUNITY SERVICE
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
A BOX TO PUT EXTRA STUFF IN
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.