Some bragging little SHIT has the lot of them. We've requested scans of each page, but haven't heard back yet. So he's either doing it and tied up for a few weeks, or just can't really be bothered - which is entirely understandable.




"If you have just gotten over the greatness of Where's Sonic, you may just be about to crap your pants again. Please find attached an image of my collection of the series of Sonic books. In addition to Where's Sonic, here are Adventure Gamebook 1, 2, 3 and 4, Puzzle Book 1 and 2 and The Sonic Joke Book. Right now you may feel the need to hear the Sonic related jokes, but for the most part these are just terrible jokes with very little to do with Sonic... so I guess you might want scans.

DAMN SHITTING RIGHT WE WANT SCANS
Or high-resolution digital photos. Or the original proofs from Ladybird Publishing.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Sony fanboys have been desperate for a 'technical edge' to boast about since the PS3 launch and IGN's review of GTA IV was it. Briefly. Unfortunately, the "subtle, soft warmth" of the PS3 version turns out to be the SHOCKING revelation that the game only runs in 640p and can't even manage any anti-aliasing. That means it is doing close to 30 percent less work just to maintain its lower-than-the-360-version-framerate. Cue lots of forum comments from PS3 owners along the lines of "Oh, well I prefer the soft, hazy, blurry look anyway" etc. Now you know why all the publicity shots were from the 360 version. Next.

Cheap? Check! Plastic? Check! For kids? Check! A sign of bygone days when it was Sonic and SONIC ALONE that ruled the world of video game merchandise? CHECK! It's the Sonic The Hedgehog... Spinning Battle Thing!




"I was rummaging through some old stuff and came across this classic Sonic toy. I'm not exactly sure what it's called, but it's like a miniature Sonic fighting game."




"Basically you had to insert the models inside the spinners, and twist them up. Then you'd close the case, and press the button on the side of the spinner to spin them into the ring. First one to be knocked down loses."




"An awesome toy, it's been played to death; the Robotnik spinner broke :("




"Well, just thought you might be interested! Thanks, Mike."




Thanks, Mike. It's certainly something to do an update about on a day like today. Even the blurry photos will do.

This is one of those updates where we have caved in under massive public demand. Everyone thinks we should "do something" about the HD remake of Sonic 2, so here it is.

Some kids on the internet are remaking Sonic 2 in HD. This is what it looks like:




Looks OK, innit?




We don't want to go "poo-pooing" anyone's hard work or anything, but the chances of this reaching any sort of meaningful conclusion are rather remote. It's one thing drawing up some pretty sprites and having everyone on the internet go "Wow!" over them, but sooner or later someone's going to get lumbered with recreating all of Oil Ocean Zone. Then it's not going to seem like such a jolly laugh.




Still, we've been maintaining a SEGA-based folly for 12 years now, so aren't really in any position to go handing out advice.

Well done. As if a PDF "magazine" about PlayStation3 wasn't a bad enough idea already, PDF "magazine" PS3Zine has just told its readers to not bother getting Grand Theft Auto IV on PS3.

Because, and we quote, "You'd be better off buying it on 360" due to it being cheaper and better.




Evidence of the sound advice to (and we paraphrase a little) AVOID PS3 LIKE MCVITIE'S PLAGUE HOBNOBS, can be found here - should you be one of the three people in the world with the patience to bother with PDF "magazines."




Well done. Good effort. We will ensure you are rewarded with a prominent role within the New World Order once we have assumed control.

It's happy 21st weekly birthday to everyone's most-ignored regular UKR feature! To celebrate, we have instead decided to pick out the very worst updates out of the dismal array of tat we have broadcast via "the network" this week. It's bad enough to have the internet police busting the front door down at 4.00am, dragging us to the station in our underpants and forcing the un-publishing of the below articles at gunpoint.

This thing about the GTA IV Activity Book, because, although being genuinely excited about GTA IV, there's still some subconscious need inside us to appear above it all and uncaring.

This thing about exciting innovations in the world of 'walking'.

This thing which is a relatively good shot at appearing enthusiastic about Unreal Tournament III, even though it would appear to be one of the most boring video games yet created.

This thing about Bulgarians not having the internet.

This thing about the LG 'Black Addict' washing machine launch, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

This week constituted the "second strike" - one more set this bad and it'll be back to the Cornish dole office. 2/10.

This is way better than Dreamcast pants!



Look! FUCKING MASSIVE it is! Unless the car is really small

Ebay is great. It gives people like me the opportunity to do a really quick update with minimal effort.

The seller wants a thousand dollars for it, or 500 quid in proper money. The greedy fucker.

Auction here

Labels: Massive, Sonic

Sensational Dreamcast towel and underpants set up for sale on eBay!




Presumably the towel is for wiping yourself down after. It is more socially acceptable than using the curtains or the dog's tail.

This saves us all ever having to go to Weston-"super"-mare to see how run-down it is. It is, on the International Run Down Scale, run down enough to have Sonic and Mario still on the boards of its game shops.

You can get a grant from the EU to have stuff like this updated.




"Please find attached some photos of Sonic spotted in the wilds of Weston-super-mare, my grim home town."




"I also took some 'environmental shots' to show the quality of the surrounding shops. It's a classy area of a high-brow town - Lee."




That's Weston-super-mare ticked off the list.

Banging party alert! The Glasgow hardcore scene is using unofficial Ulala artwork to lure tattooed squaddies into its darkened lairs. Two people independently saw and photographed this. Which means two UKR readers nearly met and had to have a conversation. Imagine how awkward that would've been.




"Here's a photo of a poster with Ulala promoting a club night in Glasgow. Here's a handy Google map link, in case any readers would like to visit the poster - Dave."




"I was in Glasgow City Centre today, and I stopped in the middle of a busy street - blinded by a woman who I have loved for years in more ways than a grown man probably should admit to. I knew I had to take a picture, as either you will want to knock out the stupid DJ advertising of Ulala's fame; or hand it over to SEGA's legal team to be evil. Lovingly Yours, Born2beSlicker."

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING AND TRYING TO REMEMBER
We also once did an update about a DJ called Alex Kidd and a music producer called Alexander Robotnick.

Sensational new Sonic game takes our hero back to his 2D roots!




Sonic's back, in his most 2D adventure yet!




"I found this book in a drawer, from Sonic's heyday the mid 90s - Geoff."




Thanks, Geoff! It's awesome! Your half-hearted email totally undersold it.




Finally. The 2D Sonic we've been demanding.




If you have one of these, you want to get it on eBay now. Then we can buy it off you for the exorbitant 'Buy It Now' price of your choosing. To put with the yearbook we bought after some hero sent in scans.




And why not charge £7.99 for postage and packing, too? We'd pay it.




Genius artwork. Love it!




Must remember to do more of the GREATEST SONIC THE HEDGEHOG DESKTOP IMAGES IN THE WORLD updates, too. Still have about 120 of those to go.




Jesus Christ, Geoff. You could've re-taken the blurry ones. This is a Category A historical relic we're dealing with. It needs to be archived in a full non-blurry manner for future generations.




Can't see him. Can't see him.




He's not in this one. He's DEFINITELY not in... oh. There he is.




There he is!




He's no way in this one. There must've been a printing error. He's just not here. He's not... oh. There he is.




This is the most fun we've had with Sonic since the original Sonic Rush.




If you don't include humping Sonic plush toys. That's more fun.




Bombs everywhere! Be careful, Sonic!




Absolutely, categorically, amazing.




The end. Must have. Anonymous benefactors SCRAMBLE.

No idea. literally no idea whatsoever. But it's free photographs and words, so will do for today.




"Seriously terrible stuff so apologies in advance.Short version, we built a Thing for our hens and covered it with old CDs for maximum psychedelic chicken freakout potential. One of those CDs turned out to be an old Dreamkey for the ever-marvelous Dreamcast."




"In the pictures you will see the Thing itself (for context) and then some close-ups of the disk itself with some added hen action. They are clearly loving being close to it, or at least not running away in fear from it. Their little beady eyes make it quite difficult to tell, to be honest."




"It's no DC controller box next to a tree but they have a subtle charm all of their own - Sir Rich."

AN INTERVIEW WITH 'SIR RICH' REGARDING THE CHICKEN THING
We exclusively caught up with Sir Rich last week, to ask him why chickens need a Thing made out of wood and CDs.

UKR: Why do your hens need one of those? Does it have a proper scientific purpose?

SIR RICH: To be honest they probably don't, what with them not living in tiny cages their entire lives, but it gives them something to look and peck at. Also, they're forest creatures so they like having dappled sunshine to lie around in, and it does give them that, too. We've also now lashed a load of logs together for them to balance on.

Basically it's what you do in the countryside in an attempt to silence the voices, the voices and their incessant calls for blood. We built a henge a couple of weeks ago and a firepit today, which is currently cooking a massive lump of beef. it's like gadgets, but gadgets made out of mud and sticks.

How very annoying. Ours were enthusiastically stuck up on a wall, left to fade, and left to get small airborne particles of jism attached to them over the years. What we should've done is kept them rolled up in a tube for future generations to enjoy.

Fortunately, reader "Felix" did just that.




"Just wanted to share with the cold, lonely and neglected SEGA Saturn owners out there, all over the world, the two Saturn posters that I own. Hopefully it will bring back some nostalgic cheer/heart break of the good old Saturn days to all those crushed Segafan spirits."




"I managed to get these posters in pristine condition (I've never really unrolled them, hence the phones holding down the corners) on eBay many many years back, in the days when not everyone heard about it, they actually sold everything, paypal wasn't owned by ebay and 2nd hand games weren't massive over priced. There was also an awesome looking Virtua Cop 2 saturn poster that I wanted the most, but didn't manage to win because some random arranged with the seller to buy it outside of ebay, and thus only managed to get the two. If the seller or buyer of the Virtual Cop 2/Sega posters is reading this, I'd just like to say: FUCK YOU >:E"




"Sorry for the crappy camera pics, I'm quite bad with the digital camera since my girlfriend is the one that takes the good photos...and I'm too embarrassed to ask her to take a picture of these posters."




"PS: Also wanted to say I'm honoured that you guys copied and pasted my email on your webpage in 2004 - Felix."




Thanks, Felix. And thanks for not bearing a grudge about the rather harsh treatment you received from us in 2004.

It is everywhere. It is mocking us. The walls laugh at our collective failure and broken dreams. It's even in prestigious Japanese orange rather than European blue.




"I was on a business trip to Prague and saw our beloved logo being exploited by a glassware shop clearly ripping off tourists with over priced crap. I immediately thought of you - Gabe."

Labels: DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE

Then you've gotta get yourself some Philippines candy cigarettes, dude! All the fastest animals in Mobius put away 60 a day!




"I smoke now... Thanks SEGA! OK, not really, not even SEGA could make me do that. Well, not Sonic, maybe Aika (From Skies of Arcadia) could. I found these bad boys in the Philippines, a country where it's not cool to eat veggies, just meat and sweets - Rosskeld."

Someone send a news crew to Sutton Coldfield - some idiot's binned a Dreamcast. It's clearly a cry for help from some poor, disenfranchised video gamer.




"Saw this in a skip today in Sutton Coldfield. It was raining, so past being rescued. Boo hoo - Jamie."

Courtesy of Impact Innovations, which is in the process of licensing only the finest Chinese manufacturers to create a new range of Sonic toys.




"I found some upcoming UK classic Sonic merchandise that you may be interested in. They're all by the company Impact Innovations, which have already made some Sonic plushes and beanies. Included are RC Racers, track sets (why Mario had one of these before Sonic I'll never know) WITH A LOOP, a Sonic figure with a webcam stuck in his stomach and Sonic and Tails USB flash drives. Which will clearly get you friends if you own - Sandy."




A 2GB or 4GB Sonic USB stick! Also available in Tails variety. If you want one, wait a year then buy one of the unsold Tails ones for a tenth of the price. Who ever buys Tails merchandise? He's second in quantity only to Big The Cat in the bargain buckets of the land.




And a terrifying Sonic webcam. We'll go out on a limb and say there's ZERO CHANCE of this actually being approved and made. SEGA wouldn't put its name to any old tat with Sonic's name on, would it?